It’s been a long while since I blogged on here, that’s because it’s been a long time since I painted or did anything crafty. Simply put, it’s been a long time since I felt like I had anything I wanted to talk about.
Truth be told I lost inspiration and motivation, I didn’t feel that I had the time either. For the past 2 years I’ve been doing at least 10 hours a day in a job which I didn’t really enjoy, a job which was sucking all the motivation and energy out of me. Getting home after 10+ hours, I just felt deflated and uninspired. I’d be more inclined to slob out in front of the TV or play video games rather than do anything crafty. In my head, as well as the lack of motivation, I just couldn’t be bothered getting my art equipment out – “it’d take too long, it’d be messy, and what would I paint anyway??”
During Christmas 2019 I decided I had to make a change, enough was enough. Part of my thinking was that in 2020 I turn 40 years old. A mini midlife crisis you might think? Maybe! I decided I couldn’t be in a job which I didn’t enjoy. I’m not career or financially motivated, I’m more interested in doing something where I feel I’m making a difference, something where I feel valued and that I’m adding value to. I wasn’t getting that, I wasn’t enjoying the role and the people I was surrounded with. With that in mind I decided that I needed to think more about me, so I handed in my notice to resign. That’s right, I just handed my resignation in to escape that job, rather than do it because I had something else lined up. It might seem selfish doing something for me but I had to make a change. Life is too short and too precious to do something that doesn’t make you happy. Sure there are bills to pay, but you know what, I’d happily stack shelves at the local supermarket or do something menial and brainless to pay the bills – that way, at the end of the day I could go home and focus my energy into arts and crafts – “me time”. I’m letting the career driven people fight in the rat race and suffer the constant bitching and backstabbing, I’d much rather have an easier life that satisfies my long term happiness. Stacking shelves might just turn into a means to an ends for me, who knows. FTR I have stacked shelves before, much respect to other shelf-stacker in the world – I’m not bad-mouthing you guys. It’s just that after spending a long time in the education system, then 20+ years in IT support and project administration, you’d probably expect more from me if you looked at my CV.
I’m going to let you into a secret… when I handed my notice in it felt like a massive relief! OK, it is scary when you haven’t got something lined up… but I am motivated enough not to lose my car, house or ability to feed myself. There will be other options.
One of the questions I got was about how sure I was resigning. You see, yearly I suffer seasonal depression and I was asked if my decision was fuelled by that rather than common sense? The answer is, that maybe it was, and perhaps by a case of thanosophobia too. Resigning was my mind doing something to protect myself and fight, to change something to try and find some positivity.
The wave of relief I felt when I resigned was immense. The good news is that it has continued into the new year of 2020. Shortly into the new year, you know what… I found inspiration to paint, I found motivation, I made the time to do something. It was only small steps but I found inner relief and happiness again.
Fast forward a month and I’m proud to say that I’m resurrecting this blog. I’ve got some paintings to share soon. I’ve been teaching myself watercolour techniques, in particularly watercolour and ink, or wash and ink. So, keep your eyes pealed here for some creative fun.
To cut a long story short… people… life is short! Don’t get bogged down doing something that doesn’t make you happy. When you are moments away from the final time you take a breath, do you want to look back on a life wasted, or will you reflect on a life that has been fulfilled with happiness? I know what I’d rather do. To make “me time” I had to make a big change, you might not need to. Just don’t be scared of making a change, even if it’s just something small. Change shouldn’t be scary, embrace change. Positive things will come out of positive thinking. Do something positive today!
Thanks for reading this. Thanks for not abandoning this blog. Check back soon for some art that’s distracting me. X